Under The Motherhood
by Bowyer38
Summary: Toby really wants to start a family with Happy. However, Happy is unsure about kids because unlike machines, kids don't come with warranties and owner's manuals. Paige, trying to be supportive, begins to suspect something.
1. chapter 1

"...becauuuuse...unlike mechanical devices and household appliances, they don't come with warranties and they don't come with owner's manuals, Doc. Okay??" Happy pleaded with her new husband. Toby hugged her with understanding arms. Ever since the last time she thought she was pregnant, the prospect of starting a family had become a sensitive topic for discussion. A record player was playing Judy Garland's version of 'Get Happy' in the background.

"Fear not, Mrs. Curtis. For all your misgivings shall be put at ease." Two gift cards emerged from his pocket.

"Another couple's spa-day?" Happy was not impressed.

"Just the thing to...chase all your blues away..." Toby tried to cheer her up with a pat to the tip of her nose.

"Toby...just STOP!"

"I don't understand, my pet--what am I doing wrong? I mean--"

"Where should I begin? 'Hallelujah Come On Get Happy??' Really Toby? You KNEW I didn't want to talk about this in the first place..."

"In my defense, let me state that the measurable effect music has on calming a frazzled female is well-documented..."

"Careful, Doc..." Cabe came around the corner and tossed Toby a distracting apple. "Why not stop-up your gob with THAT...right after removing your foot, of course."

"Is it Attack-Toby-Day? Did I miss a memo?" Toby took a bite of apple to diffuse the tension.

Happy walked away without commenting further. Cabe observed this apprehension and washed his hands in a nearby sink. "Trouble in paradise...already?"

Toby was not in the mood to exchange barbs. "Guy-who-still-hasn't-asked-Allie-out-weeks-after-getting-off-a-deserted-island says 'what?' "

"Hey...I'm...workin' on it..." Cabe was embarrassed. All his previous bravado had gone nowhere once they reached the fruited plain of the mainland. "We all can't be as Don Juan as you and Walter, now can we?"

Toby was determined to find a way to reach his barricaded bride. It would take tact. Perhaps Paige might be able to stimulate a family-friendly conversation.

"Motherhood is a full-time job in itself, Toby." Paige was eager to lecture. "Between your uterus growing up to 500 times its size, to your senses intensifying and the cravings, I mean-- Toby...a woman does not sign up to be a mother without first mentally preparing for all the amazing changes that are sure to come. It is a commitment."

"So, when you mentally prepared to have Ralph..."

Paige's demeanor changed. "Well...I mean..."

"I thought as much...every pregnancy is different. Just because things happen one way one time does not guarantee variables will mimic again--the chances are infinitesimal--and that is all I was trying to communicate to Happy, but she won't hear a word of it."

"I'll have you know..." Paige tried to rationalize. Drew was the one most at fault. I would have loved to have someone as supportive of me back then as you are of Happy now. He told Ralph he was going to see a movie and skipped town for God's sake...I mean who does that?" Toby patted Paige on the shoulder to calm her. She was suddenly upset.

"Easy, there...I wasn't trying to get you all emotional..."

Paige looked to the left and then the right. She said nothing and then resumed looking through a disorganized drawer. "Ray really did a number on this place." She mumbled to herself. "I am still finding stuff hidden in the strangest places."

"Trust me, we are all glad you are back. You are needed here now more than ever now that Walter's EQ odysseys are more oddity than anything else." Paige stared blankly and then walked out much like Happy had earlier.

"This just isn't my day." Toby picked up the record needle off the record player and held the arm in his hand.

Paige sat alone in another room with something in her hand as well.

Toby paused. "Wait a minute..."

Paige exhaled slowly.


	2. I Did Tell Him To Buckle-up

Paige rationalized, talking to herself. "I did tell him to buckle-up...so...technically--"

Walter entered the room, and Paige gave him a big hug from behind, freeing her hands around his neck.

"How are you my...'zither?' Everything okay?" Walter had mercifully come to the end of the alphabet with regards to Paige's pet names. However, she was not in the mood to hear the explanation behind his latest. "...Because of the--"

"Walter, I DON'T CARE!" Paige covered her mouth with her hand and began to pace back and forth. Something was troubling her. It was obvious.

"Whatever it is, you can tell me...I have been practicing all of the mainstays of EQ flawlessly since our return from the island and for many weeks our vigorous...intimacy has awakened so many...sensibilities in me...along with sensitivity, I now possess mastery of all kinds of relational prowess. I am sure you are quite aware." If Walter fully understood the magnitude of his 'prowess,' he would have known Paige would have done anything to get him to stop talking. He did not. "I'm sure whatever it is, The Team can do something to expedite its resolution--to solve it--and we can go right back to smiling like we always do. I miss you, babe..."

Paige spoke her mind without a filter. "Okay, Walter...you remember that night...when we came back...I was pent-up horny as hell and you were too...so, I admit, I wanted you so freakin' bad..."

"I wanted you too...I thought I made it abundantly clear..."

Paige got pleasantly lost in the memory. "Ooh..you definitely did...Momma liked." She tried to focus on her point. "The point is..."

Walter waited for Paige to finish. "The point is?--"

Paige tried to be subtle and allow him to come to a conclusion. "We were on that island a lonnng time, and that one time you and I actually got a bit of privacy...I mean..."

"What are you saying?" Walter did calculations in his head and looked puzzled.

"It must have been enough to...you know...and then all this...intimacy here at home...I haven't had a--" Paige bit her finger nervously and looked down at the ground before looking back into Walter's eyes.

"So what you are distressed about is the amount of time that has elapsed...and you...and I...and...so that means...?--"

Before anyone could say another word, Happy and Toby came bounding from the other room. Tweety and Sly looked up from their 10,000 piece 3D puzzle and heard Quintis shouting in unison. "We're having a baby! We're having a baby!" Toby and Happy were overjoyed and they implored that the rest of them celebrate along. Sylvester and Ralph joined in with the chant.

"We're having a baby!...We're having a--" Ralph looked into his mother's eyes. "What's wrong, Mom? Didn't you hear? Toby and Happy are having a baby!"

Time stood still for a brief moment. Walter looked at Paige, and the seriousness of the unspoken situation drained the blood from both of their faces.

They had to think fast even though their hearts both were racing. Walter patted Ralph on the back. "That is GREAT news..." Walter spoke to Ralph, but Paige heard him speaking to her. "Did you know baby scorpions are called 'scorplings?' "

Ralph was perplexed. "Yes...of course I knew that."

Walter could only exhale. Bending in half, almost hyperventilating, Walter was thankful for Paige's hand to hold and her other hand's patient coaxing at the small of his back.

"We're having a baby..." The sing-songy refrain echoed with dual-meaning. Two knew for sure. One had his suspicions. The rest would soon find out and wonder why they were the last to know.

"You weren't kidding when you told me to buckle-up."

"No I was not." Paige smiled and gave him a big kiss.


End file.
